I learned a long time ago how cruel the internet can be. That’s what happens when you’ve been writing online for decades. But I got an especially harsh reminder about a year and a half ago when I posted a video about cutting off and donating a foot of my hair. A lot of commenters basically said the same thing: “Cute bob but you’re going bald.”
My hair has been thinning for most of my forties and I’m almost 47 now. I thought it was just something that happens at this age when perimenopause starts. That can be true but the thinning just kept getting worse. Then last January after months of serious symptoms I thought were unrelated to my hair loss I was diagnosed with lupus. Lupus is known to cause hair loss in some patients & one of the medications I was prescribed to manage it was an oral form of chemotherapy that definitely wasn’t helping me keep my hair. At first I was in denial about how noticeable it was.
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I even brushed it off as a sales pitch when a dermatologist mentioned a hair loss supplement without me asking. But I couldn’t ignore how visible my scalp was becoming at my hairline. The contrast between my dark brown hair and pale skin seemed to make the thinning more obvious. From certain angles it looked like peering into a sparse forest in winter. Then I saw a video that showed the top of my head and the extra wide part & patchiness from obvious hair loss stopped me in my tracks. I am exploring my options for trying to regrow my hair & stop losing so much of what I have. For example I’ve been taking prescription oral minoxidil in the form of apple flavored gummies from Hers for a couple of months. But it can take a while to see results from minoxidil since some people wait as long as six months to see signs of regrowth. So I’m left trying to find ways to feel more confident with a fraction of what used to be ample. When I tell you my long thick hair was my entire personality when I was a child I’m not exaggerating. I got bangs and vowed to become more of a hat person by adding a few dad caps and a Stetson to my wardrobe. Then I ordered some inexpensive pre tied headscarves hoping I might look chic and not like I’m wearing a half hearted Little Steven Halloween costume. But sometimes you just want to look like you have more hair. I didn’t feel like a candidate for a full wig & as a theatre nerd I already know I don’t love wearing them. So when the concept of a topper was brought to my attention I immediately became interested. Let’s be real right now. A topper is basically a toupee. That’s a very unglamorous way to put it. Toupees are typically thought of as a solution for bald men and not a particularly believable solution either. They’ve been visual punchlines for as long as any of us can remember. If the mere mention of toupees made you think of Stan from The Golden Girls or the grandfather from Christmas Vacation you’re not alone. But a topper aside from its somewhat similar name is aimed at those of us with longer hairstyles and unlike a toupee’s typical adhesive it clips on to the hair you already have. A topper is ideal for anyone experiencing medium to advanced thinning according to Haven Whiteman who is a hairstylist & extension specialist with Luxy Hair. The brand is best known for their clip in & halo extensions but also makes human hair Remy toppers in more than a dozen colors. Unlike clip in wefts toppers are designed to add coverage and density across the top of the head and sides and crown where thinning is most noticeable. Picking a color is taking a pretty pricey gamble since it costs around $200 if you’re lucky enough to catch them on sale. Some companies offer to match you based on a photo while others let you order a swatch for a few bucks. Even though I kind of knew what to expect when I received a few toppers to try for free because of my job I was still taken aback by how they kind of look like disembodied scalps with a firm mesh base hiding under the hair. But as weird as that is I had to appreciate how realistic they look. I was especially impressed by the quality of the feel & nuanced color. But I wasn’t so sure it would look realistic on.
Although you can wear it right out of the box Whiteman says human hair toppers can be customized just like your own hair. I turned to my stylist Billy Hannam at Anushka Spa and Salon in Palm Beach to help me figure out how to make these toppers look like I’m not wearing one. He’s been helping me shape my existing hair to seem as full as possible so I trusted him to transform them into a natural looking part of my shaggy layered style.After comparing three toppers we spent my appointment focused on a dark brown 12-inch long style with pre-cut bangs by Irresistible Me. This brand uses human hair for their toppers & extensions and wigs. The color was a perfect match & the bangs would make it easier to blend into my existing cut.
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Hannam used the three clips on the underside of the piece to position it on top of my head. As soon as he did I was amazed by how decent it looked. It was immediately obvious that with a little bit of expert cutting and shaping it was going to look like I simply had more hair. Hannam spent most of the appointment aligning it with my existing layers & using a little heat to get my texture and the topper’s texture to match. You can use heat on human-hair toppers just like you would with your own hair.
Heat styling always helps blend the hair once installed according to Whiteman. If you wear your hair straight you should straighten the strands of the topper just like you would your own hair. The same thing goes if you typically wear waves or curls.
Toppers can hold styles for a surprisingly long time with a little light-hold hairspray. You may wonder if you need to wash your topper if it starts getting gunky. The short answer is yes but not often. Only wash when absolutely necessary since product buildup is usually the only reason to cleanse according to Whiteman. Dry shampoo should be your go-to for regular refreshes between washes. With that gentle care and proper storage you can keep it right in the box it comes in. A topper worn daily can last a good six months before it starts looking kind of dingy.
I don’t plan to wear it every single day so it will last even longer. This is nice considering human hair toppers like those from Luxy and Irresistible Me go for several hundred dollars. Many of the higher-quality synthetic options are just as pricy but you might find that they’re even more ready-to-wear if you have a specific style. I work from home & even when I do venture out I might be in the mood for a hat or a scarf or just feeling okay about the way things look up there.
But for special occasions I’m breaking this out of its box every time. It’s super easy to put on so I won’t need to call in a professional every time. It wasn’t a particularly special occasion when I was hanging out with some theatre friends the evening after Hannam first installed my topper. It definitely felt pretty special when several people told me how great my hair looked. They were unaware of what they were looking at. I replied gleefully that it was a toupee. I need to work on accepting compliments about my topper. Step one is to not call it a toupee. Step two is to maybe not even mention I’m wearing a topper. After all it’s doing exactly what I want it to do. It makes it look like I naturally have more hair.
